May 2012
5 posts
3 tags
THE DIAMOND JUBILEE
LUV - Fix up, look sharp - it’s the Jubilee again. I know, I know. You’re sick to the eye-teeth* of Jubilees. Every ten years it’s Jubilee this, and Jubilee that. But this Jubilee is special - you see, it’s not the Golden Jubilee - where the Queen celebrated 50 years on the throne - which sounds like a terrible constipation metaphor. It’s not the Silver Jubilee where she...
4 tags
HOTEL CHOCOLAT
LUV - If Groupon had its shit together, it’d shelve all those “chocolate experience days” where you file into a sterile room and a stern woman shouts at you about the discovery of the cocoa bean then makes you do a bunch of trust exercises using melted chocolate and marshmallows that you’re NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO EAT. If Groupon knew the first THING about chocolate, it would forget all that...
4 tags
BARBECUES
LUV - This summer, barbecues are going to be brilliant. Listen. Stop looking at me like that. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I used to be a VEGETARIAN.
Do you know how hard it is to be a vegetarian at a barbecue? To turn up to some stranger’s house and have everything go quiet until finally someone sighs and says “Barry, get the salad” as you try to disappear into the bunting? Because who even HAS a...
3 tags
PINTEREST
LUV - You what I’m sick of? Using my brain. All day long it’s people and words and stress and lists and bits of paper and meetings and books that you don’t remember you’re not really into until you open them on the train home and compromise and reports and SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT A PICTURE OF A DRESS.
Followed by a picture of some cupcakes.
And then a kitten.
And maybe a tray of...
4 tags
EASTENDERS
LUV - I cop a lot of shit for liking EastEnders, but fuck you. EastEnders is brilliant. It’s brilliant because it knows exactly what a soap should be.
It’s grey. It’s flat. It’s oppressively miserable. It’s full of pallid, squalid, dirty-looking urchins who ricochet from disaster to hopeless disaster and then eventually die of scurvy. Nobody has ever smiled on EastEnders. If they have, it’s...
