February 2012
7 posts
3 tags
BOARD GAMES
LUV - Right, fuck you, board games are brilliant. Oh, I know they’re not cool like your Jason Beavers and your iPhones and whichever brand of nerdy arrested development with post-teenage entropy and social isolation you currently subscribe to, and your trainers, but board games are wonderful because they teach us so much.
Everyone knows that the best kind of fun is the fun where you learn,...
3 tags
NICOLAS CAGE
LUV - I watched It Could Happen To You the other day. It was weird. It starred Nicolas Cage, but it wasn’t really a Nicolas Cage film. It was like watching an early episode of Come Dine With Me, back before Dave Lamb realised that people like him better when he just shrieks out arbitrary insults like a Tourette’s sufferer hopscotching across an electrified grid.
In the film, Nicolas Cage...
3 tags
SAUNAS
LUV - Deep down, everyone is a little bit self-deluded. Some have delusions of being Ryan Gosling in Drive. They’re the ones chewing on a toothpick in a horrible jacket, aiming for ‘self-contained detachment’ but actually hitting ‘concussed farmyard animal’. Others have delusions of being Joan from Mad Men. They’re often just fat gingers in manky dresses.
I feel their pain. I’m self-deluded,...
3 tags
SNOW
LUV - Everything is temporary. That’s what Buddhism teaches us. Also to, you know, wear orange and look a bit smug. But mainly that everything is temporary - each second that ticks by will never come again, and every sunrise we see takes place 40,000 kilometres spinwards from the last one. That’s not Buddhism, incidentally, that’s SCIENCE. Science also teaches us that, because of the Earth’s...
3 tags
CANDLES
LUV - I don’t normally play the gender card, but bloody LOOK HERE. I am a woman. A hard-working woman who toils all day in an office that smells of carpet and procedure, in a city that smells of BINS.
So, when I get home of an evening, I like it to smell nice. And by ‘nice’ I don’t mean ‘check out this gym kit I’ve worked out in twice this week and it still doesn’t smell like stilton...
5 tags
GIRAFFE BREAD
LUV - Oh come on. What are you, made of stone? How can you not be moved by: a) A three-year-old girl writing to Sainsbury’s to ask why tiger bread is called tiger bread when it looks more like a giraffe (and then drawing a picture of Beaky, HER IMAGINARY DOG, at the bottom of the letter):
b) Sainsbury’s - big, corporate, trundling capitalist machine Sainsbury’s - then replying with...
4 tags
QUIET CARRIAGES
LUV - Fact: Going anywhere on public transport is a billion times better than going by car.
Being involuntarily force-fed tinny phone music by aggressive schoolgirls on buses is how I keep up with what kids like. And no car journey of mine has ever been interrupted by a stranger clambering in through the passenger door to either a) play the trumpet, b) ask for money or c) take his trousers and...
