January 2012
8 posts
4 tags
NAPS
LUV - I’ll cut to the chase: if you don’t like napping, you’re probably a monster.
If you can’t derive pleasure from crawling into bed fully clothed at three o’clock in the afternoon and waking up an hour later all warm and muzzy-headed, I’m afraid we can never be friends.
If you’ve never sat in a cinema and decided that, actually, you couldn’t give a flying fuck about The Girl With The...
3 tags
CATS
LUV - Look, I’ve already won this. I might as well sit back and do my nails or taxes because, no matter how many times Stuart Heritage angrily thumps out the word “bellend”, or ejaculates blood from any of his fifteen orifices out of sheer rage, I have won. It’s a no-brainer. It’s cats.
You people love cats. You’re the fucking internet.
Parents and people who still insist...
5 tags
DARK CHOCOLATE
LUV - I am a man of exceptional taste. For example, I am writing this from a bespoke handcrafted chaise longue in my parlour. I am listening to early Serge Gainsbourg. I am drinking champagne out of a glass shaped like a swan and tittering at things that I imagine Noel Coward might have said. I am wearing a velvet smoking jacket, a monocle, a top hat and nothing else. I am all class.
And...
4 tags
WHITE CHOCOLATE
LUV - You know what? I love chocolate as much as the next typical woman, but even I have to admit that sometimes it can be just too damned CHOCOLATEY.
I realise that some of you will disagree. But bear with me. Because the sad truth is you can have too much of a good thing.
For instance, springtime in Paris. Wonderful for a blossom-blown romantic weekend away, but – take it from me – add an...
3 tags
TUMBLR
LUV - This is a Tumblr site. You’d be forgiven for not realising that because it’s not called FUCK YEAH ARGUMENTS and isn’t plastered in photographs of Jared Leto, but it is a Tumblr site. I realise this may come as a surprise.
Or maybe it doesn’t.
Maybe you don’t even know what Tumblr is. Maybe you have a ridiculously outdated sort of life that involves sunshine and people and lingering in...
5 tags
FLATPACK FURNITURE
LUV - Much like Hitler, I’m starting to believe that Scandinavian people are the epitome of human evolution. They’re taller and better looking, for a start. They’re easygoing and trilingual. Their streets are clean, they smile more, they have a brilliant mythology, and they’ve developed a healthy attitude towards sex and rationalising tax hikes.
Plus they gave us...
4 tags
CHRISTMAS COMPETITION WINNING ENTRY: NIGHTCLUBS
LUV - Who invented nightclubs? I want to find that bloke and shake his hand. Well, maybe not; he’s probably in a mental health ward and might try and rip the faces off anybody that goes anywhere near him. Who possibly thought that it was a good idea to shove a load of people in a dark room, with shit music on a constant loop, and incite them to bounce around like they’re having a fit?...
4 tags
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
LUV - New year’s resolutions are most definitely a good idea. Who wouldn’t look back at the twisted corpse of the year gone by, see the myriad ways that it made your life quantifiably shittier, and vow to do better? Only an idiot could reflect on the previous year without deciding to halt their perilous slide towards obesity, or try harder to afford electricity, or maybe not keep bursting into...
