February 2011
12 posts
3 tags
BOROUGH MARKET
LUV - Borough Market, adorable food market just south of the river Thames. Borough Market, cradled beneath baroque Victorian arches and iron latticework; a labyrinthine enclave for the chi-chi, the hungry, the picky. Borough Market - the last refuge for those of us who long to saunter through Lidl sampling the corn-fed Iberian chorizo and the fairer-than-Fair Trade sustainable Lapsang Souchong...
3 tags
OREOS
LUV - Oreo cookies are brilliant, plainly brilliant, and I won’t hear a word against them. I mean, Weird Al Yankovic hilariously wrote a song about them. Hilariously! Brilliant, right? The virtues of an Oreo are threefold: first you have the tactile stuff – the biscuits themselves which are very dark, stamped with the distinctive Oreo crest (do they belong to royalty? Maybe!). These biscuits...
3 tags
MARK WATSON
LUV - In case you didn’t know, Mark Watson is an unassuming but award-winning UK comedian and novelist. But, in order to fully appreciate his awesomeness, we must first examine his key constituents. These are they. THE ADVERT It’s a general rule that, if you’re a comedian and you do a TV advert, Guardian writers will slate you in the first page of the Guide and everyone will hate you forever....
5 tags
ABROAD
LUV - The best place in the whole world, no matter where you are, is always Anywhere But Here. Because here is shit. Here is where the skies are always a nondescript shade of grey. Here is where you spend your days fishing teabags out of faded mugs with biros and making painfully inconsequential smalltalk with people who you stopped noticing several years ago. Here is always the dullest,...
3 tags
BABIES
LUV - I met a brand new baby recently. “HEWWOOOO!” I hooted in its permanently astonished face, eager to welcome it to Earth. “Ga ah ah ah oh,” it replied after a moment’s thought. “DOOWEE BOOPY BOO BOO OOTTEE BOO BOO?” I enquired. “Aaaawaawaa-ah,” it chortled succinctly, forcing its point home with a full-body gesticulation. It was the...
3 tags
VALENTINE'S DAY
LUV - Hello, I’m Robyn Wilder and I’m secretly a romantic. I know this may seem unlikely as I stand here in utility trousers, listening to music made by aggressive robots and telling you to man the fuck up if you even look like you might pay me a compliment, but there we are. I’m a romantic. Deal with it, fucktard. And, as a secret romantic, a part of me looks forward to Valentine’s Day each...
3 tags
BOOK CLUBS
LUV - Book clubs are excellent, but I think we’d all agree they suffer from a perception problem. Namely, the perception that they are held by girls who wear nothing but Cath Kidston, who discuss nothing but Jane Austen novels, whilst drinking nothing but those stupid drinks that have names like Elderflower Collins on the Diamonds and Lemongrass Bellini Twisty Pants.
I suggest a...
3 tags
ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSHES
LUV - You’re right to be suspicious of the electric toothbrush. After the superintelligent robots have risen up to enslave mankind, the remaining pockets of humanity will be able to trace the genesis of the uprising back to the electric toothbrush. Without too much fuss, you see, the electric toothbrush has already made you its bitch.
Time was when you could adequately clean your teeth by...
3 tags
FOXES
LUV - Foxes! Little foxes! Widdul woxes! WUGGUH WUGSWUSH! How can you not love foxes? I love foxes. I love them so much that, when I was a teenager, I would regularly get driven around the countryside by crusties, and leap into the path of thundering horses carrying intolerable toffs hellbent on chasing a helpless fox across farmland, getting their dogs to corner it and rip it up and, finally,...
3 tags
LOOSE WOMEN
LUV - Womens. What do they think? Why do they do? Where do they think, and do? These are just three of the questions Loose Women answers every single day. Is it on every day?
As far as reasons to LUV Loose Women, though, this is but a mere amooz boosh. For the main course, let’s talk about what precedes it in the ITV schedule.
It’s Tuesday, or one of those days. You started your...
3 tags
BRUNCH
LUV - There are two types of people in the world: breakfast people and brunch people. You may see breakfast people on the morning train, conducting ebullient phone conversations about their busy social lives and life-affirming pre-dawn spin classes. Or you’ll find them on Twitter, firing off supercilious tweets ripe with self-empowerment adjectives detailing their morning’s...
4 tags
OXFORD STREET
LUV - Obviously I don’t love Oxford Street. Not being a German tourist or one of those poor bastards who swapped out a law career in their native Creblakistanibos for holding a GOLFF SAIL sign in all weather, I avoid Oxford Street whenever possible. But you know what not liking Oxford Street makes me? A Londoner. And I LUV that. When I first moved to the Big Smoke from the Shire, I thought...
