December 2011
8 posts
5 tags
CHRISTMAS PUDDING
LUV - You’re probably getting sick of hearing this - I’ll stop soon, honest - but I bloody love Christmas. And I think I’ve finally worked out why.
It’s not the shopping (because if I wanted to get repeatedly elbowed in the face, I’d just take the tube somewhere). It’s not the carols (because if I wanted to hear a noise like that, I’d just drag a burning shed into a smoke alarm factory)....
5 tags
BOXING DAY
LUV - If you’re reading this from outside the UK, Ireland, Australia or New Zealand, know that I pity you. Not because I’m a terrible racist – well, not just because of that – but because you don’t have Boxing Day, and boy are you missing out.
Because Boxing Day is wonderful. Let me tell you of it. Boxing Day is a public holiday that falls on 26 December and has a number of glorious...
4 tags
SECRET SANTAS
LUV - I know I’ve mentioned this before, but working from home is pretty sodding relentlessly amazing. I can attribute this to two key findings:
1 - PEOPLE ARE AWFUL.
2 - I JUST HAD A NAP. IT’S TWO THIRTY IN THE AFTERNOON. FUCK YOU.
However, both of these findings have downsides. The naps are nice, but it means I shuffle around with morning breath all day. And as awful as people undoubtedly...
5 tags
CHRISTMAS WRAPPING
LUV - Wrapping Christmas presents is brilliant. It’s brilliant. It’s one of my favourite things about Christmas, up there with decorating the tree and smothering every available foodstuff in cranberry jelly and brandy butter for a week.
Oh, I know you don’t care. I know that, as long as the parcel you butcher open with your clammy meathooks on Christmas morning contains...
4 tags
FESTIVE ICE RINKS
LUV - Oh, hello! I’m British. You can probably tell because if I detect even a single flake of snow within ten miles of me I phone up everyone I know and scream “SNOW SNOW SNOW” and then pop into Twitter to post “SNOW SNOW SNOW #snow” and finish off with a quick whirl round Facebook liking every status I can see all of which say “SNOW SNOW SNOW”, and...
6 tags
DVD COMMENTARIES
LUV - We’re going to have to face facts. The DVD is dead. All those shelves and shelves of films and TV shows that you’ve carefully curated over the course of 15 years? The whole lot’s worth about £3.50 now. Seriously, you may as well have a living room full of VHS tapes. Or wax cylinders. Or cave paintings. Not even good cave paintings. Shit cave paintings.
Nobody needs DVDs any more. You can...
4 tags
ADVENT CALENDARS
LUV - Let’s face it, most aspects of Christmas get shitter as you get older. Going to see the Christmas lights being turned on? Magical and exciting when you were a kid, right? But now all you can think is how it’s raining, cold and the street is packed by gasping morons who all want to be standing exactly where your feet are, and - actually - which celebrity is turning on the Christmas lights...
4 tags
HASHTAGS
LUV - Gord bless whoever invented Twitter hashtags.
Sure, they’ve become an indicator of unmerited smugness in that some people will append “#win” to tweets about having successfully cooked their own dinner, as if providing for themselves past the age of 18 is actually an achievement worth trumpeting. And yes, whinges about public transport/weather/colds will often come...
