October 2010
9 posts
3 tags
HALLOWEEN
LUV - Okay, I admit it - from limp plastic Taiwan-made supermarket offerings to the hulking ASBO trick-or-treaters I’ll be ignoring come the night, Halloween in the UK can be lame.
But if you’re a kid in the USA, you get to go to school dressed as Dracula, spend most of your day stabbing pumpkins, and get an A for reciting essays like this: “Vis-a-vis who would win in a fight...
5 tags
ALIEN³
LUV - A tricky one to defend, this, because I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Alien Cubed all the way through. I might have done, and just forgotten everything that happens except for the end. In which case, how in the name of heck am I going to declare my love for it?
I don’t know. Maybe because when I was 14 I realised that the son of my grandmother’s best friend had...
6 tags
SPOILERS
LUV - True story. I recently wrote something about sequels that Tom Cruise should make. One of them was all ‘hur hur hur, wouldn’t it be funny if there was a Valkyrie sequel where a reanimated Tom Cruise zombie came back to life and tried to kill Hitler, tee hee’. And this infuriated one reader enough to respond:
“Woah woah woah - where’s the spoiler warnings?!...
3 tags
ISLA FISHER
LUV - Oh Shannon from Home & Away, you are so tiny (and by that I mean my height) and lovely. You are like a bunny. In that bunnies are almost unbearably cute, but also twitchy and alien and one eye-roll away from sheer animal psychosis. Aww!
You’re beautiful in a lovely, inclusive, sisterly way, and not at all like a horrid sleek bitchface model, and we will always root for you...
3 tags
RYAN REYNOLDS
LUV - There are many things I love about Ryan Reynolds. That he’s basically Jason Lee without the Scientology, and with a six-pack. That, being a professional wiseass, he gets irony for a living, which is ironic given that he used to be engaged to Alanis Morrissette, who ironically wrote that song Ironic, which ironically wasn’t ironic, or just wasn’t ironic rather than being...
5 tags
BEAUTIFUL SUNRISES
LUV - Each new day comes to us pristine. It’s an immaculate gift from heaven, and the only condition of accepting it is that we don’t sully it as much as the last one. And, to make sure that we keep our promise, God treats us to the most dazzling show on the face of the planet every single morning - sunrise.
Sunrise is incredible - a molasses-slow, red and orange-flecked reminder...
4 tags
CUPCAKES
LUV: There are times in a woman’s life when all she wants to do is sit on the floor and eat butter. But we can’t do that because we’re all too busy wearing flippy dresses and doing challenging jobs while nurturing twenty-first century families and maintaining complex and meaningful social lives and knowing “a great little vintage place I love” and being sexual beings and...
3 tags
WAITROSE
LUV - I used to despise Waitrose, probably for the same reasons as you. The expense. The attitude. The fact that, no matter when you go there, you know that 85% of the other customers there will be called Jemima and they’ll be stocking up on hummus for the gymkhana with their unbearable mop-haired barefoot children named Mulberry and Rainbow. That poxy Billy Joel advert.
But now, purely...
4 tags
MATT CARDLE
LUV: Aww, lovely Matt Cardle from The X-Factor! In print, his name almost looks like ‘Matt Cardie’, which is apt because he is like a cardie - a lovely thick comforting cardigan that he’s placed around your shoulders because you “look cold”. And you won’t mind that one sleeve is soggy because it probably happened while he was making you tea (to thank you for...
